I went to a fabulous event last week where relationship expert Erwan Davon and his partner Alicia posited that the holy grail of a relationship is the Eternal Date.
After mastering phase 1 of a relationship — chemistry and fun — and pushing into phase 2 — best friends + lovers, deepening connection — the Eternal Date brings us into an infinite relationship, a Nirvana of sorts. All the previous skills stack up to take us to the great Pyramid Tip of love, chock full of rainbows and synchronized flamingos and bottomless mimosas and perfect surfing waves carved up by serene bodhisattvas.
Erwan writes that the Eternal Date requires a few mission-critical skills: commitment, cherishing — and sexual expertise! And it starts with our ability to “sweeping/being swept off her feet.” There’s a pretty strong implied hero/heroine gender role here that the PC guy inside me is firing the alarms as sexist/homophobic, but the curious relationship disciple inside me wants to understand.
Do we need the Eternal Date to be happy in relationships? Are those of us NOT in an Eternal Date missing out on a massive opportunity for higher-level euphoria that maybe, just maybe, would leave our previous standards for love and connection in the dust?
Can head-swiveling sex catapult us from awesome to ridiculously amazing?
Impossible to know without trying–but I’ve gotta say, I’d bet on it. Big!
Consider that to get superbly talented at communicating our commitment and cherishing–and to achieve compatible sexual expertise–we need to know and crush our partner’s expectations. We need specific instructions packed with insights, the little things that make all the difference: the right word at the right time, the text message that changes our day, the touch in the right place, the moment to breathe, to know the right time to go kick somebody’s ass and the right time to hold hands and smile, the little no-nos and the massive FUCK-YEAHS!
For the Eternal Date or any date–we need a User Manual!