Many of us apply the least creativity to our romantic relationships than anything else in our lives.

We come up with fresh products to revitalize our workplace. We stay up baking cakes for our kids in the shape of a castle, complete with shark-infested moats made with M&Ms. And then we sleepwalk through the same old Tuesday dinner and cruise control into bed.

(This may not be the case for all of us, but I suspect most of us have been there.)

I recently stumbled across the work of Esther Perel, thanks to the Tim Ferriss Show podcast. It’s an astonishing listen with dozens of wonderful points–ideal for road trips–but what really stuck with me was her emphasis on creativity.

She calls on us to consistently innovate in relationships, just like we break new ground at work. Take the circus class, stay in the ice hotel, move to Bali, learn to juggle chainsaws, work out a rotating date night strategy. Like anything, if we give energy we’ll get it back many times over.

I call this Seeking Awesome.

Case in point: on Friday, Katia and I checked out an event called Dancing Under the Stars, in Oakland. (Not to be confused with an event called Dancing WITH the Stars, on TV.) After a 30-minute public dance lesson, we learned the cha-cha–and then spent an hour sweating through our Aloha outfits with 200 of our closest friends, ages 1 to 80.

Now, dancing is inherently sensual–and when you throw in the cha-cha, things can get downright saucy. We learned the steps together, we touched each other delicately on hips and shoulders, we swapped seductive glances, we twirled and reverse-twirled and triple-lundy-twirled, we lathered each other in dance floor perspiration.

It was new, fresh, reinvigorating, hott. In a word: Awesome!

Serendipity is a beautiful thing in relationships (and everywhere), but we can’t sit around waiting for lightning bolts to strike the perfect pile of kindling in ideal wind conditions. We’ve got to Seek Awesome everywhere.

That means it’s up to us to weed through weekly event digests to weed out the perfect goat-themed open mic night, unearth the rock paper scissors tournament from our onslaught of Facebook invites, track down on that human sculpture art show our yoga instructor mentioned, meticulously monitor the concert schedule of our partner’s favorite band even if we don’t really like them ourselves.

(Note to Katia: Borns isn’t on tour at the moment–!)

It’s a little legwork, but not much–and so worth it.

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